Failure is a huge fear of mine. I set crazy expectations for myself and assume people have super high expectations for me. I'm a "people pleaser", Hi, I'm Cali and I'm a "pleaser."
I worry a lot that I'm not doing enough. That I'm not giving enough attention to the boys or to the Man. That I'm not meeting all the needs of my students, that my team mates think I don't contribute enough. It's this constant mind game. I've gotten a little better at just realizing I can't make everyone happy but even then I hate the idea that I caused someone to have a bad day.
I think it's also hard in teaching with having so many expectations and high standards. I want my students to learn but also enjoy school. I want my students to still be kids, to do the little projects I can still remember for when I was younger, but I want to keep my job and show everyone how bright they are.
When I get caught up with school I worry that the boys don't get the love they need. That I'm not using my time with Tucker to help him learn. And Ryker is growing so fast I hate that I could miss something. Then my first man, The Man, who luckily knows my passions but I still want him to know my passion for him.
I try to focus more on my strengths and not on my weaknesses. I try to let go of the doubt. I try, and that matters most.
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