The hubby's let down.

For some reason in my naive mind I always thought that when I got married I would immediately become the best housewife ever. Our house would be sparkling clean, I'd make dinners, fold laundry, take care of the kiddos, and volunteer or teach, maybe do swim lessons. For some reason I guess I pictured a stepford wife. So tonight, while procrastinating some school stuff, I googled "how to be a stepford wife" no kidding, there's a list:

Step 1: Always wear your makeup. No too far from real life, if we're going out in public I've got some coverage on- more than lip gloss.
Step 2: Always take care of your hair. Not a strand should be out of place. From years of being a swimmer, a ponytail works, that and having a 3 year old who loves to play, sometimes hair loses the battle.
Step 3: If you are not well-endowed in your torso area, use bra inserts, augmenters, or the chicshaper. Large bosoms featured prominently in Levin's original story. Got this one!
Step 4: If you are not thin, wear a girdle. I may not be tiny but no way am I wearing a girdle- NO SIR!
Step 5: Wear tight, but conservatively-cut clothing to show off your assets. (Remember to wear an apron during housework). Not everything is tight, I occasionally show off the goods but not too often.
Step 6: Look in the mirror. Imagine yourself as a girl in a television commercial; you should look flawless, at all times. The picture of the Stepford Wife is the picture of a person who is healthy and takes good care of herself. I wish!
Step 7: Clean clean clean! Everything needs to be spotless. Even if it takes a dozen repeated rubs, scrubs, and buff in the same spot. Clean and clean some more, in every corner of the house. I clean, not as much as I'd like, I would love to de-clutter more.
Step 8: Cook. I would love to spend more time learning how, but being that we still live with my parents its weird cooking in my mom's kitchen.
Step 9: Shop at the supermarket. Push your cart slowly. All items need to be placed in your shopping cart neatly, methodically, and in an orderly fashion. I could do this one!!!
Step 10: Practice gracious and polite behavior even when you are alone. Eat with the silverware in place even when you eat alone. Etiquette and proper manners begin at home, when no one is looking. Honestly, if I'm alone I still hustle so that I can get a lot done before they return, but I am neat.
Step 11: Never raise your voice. I just a loud person, not a yeller, but I laugh and joke A LOT!
Step 12: Always say "please" and "thank you" for the smallest things, in public and private. Another one I can do.
Step 13: Always apologize for the smallest things, in public and private. I do this, but it drives the MAN CRAZY!!!
Step 14: Do not possess any strong opinions on any subject, unless you are expressing enthusiasm for cleaning products or food ingredients and recipes. Why not just play mute??
Step 15: Your man is No.1. He is the kingpin in your life. You answer first to him, then to your son, and then other men (and only when you are spoken to). Um, no!
Step 16: Don't read, because who has time when you have this much housework to do and so many men to attend to? This is not even an option.

Okay, so clearly I am not a Stepford wife. But I would love to be able to clean and be home when our son is home. I really want to learn how to cook and sew- for real sew. But for now, unconditional love is what I can give and the most organized closets and dressers a guy could ask for. I enjoy being a teacher and working everyday, I hope to do swim lessons in the summers, but time with my guys is the absolute best. So for now honey, you get me!