A realization

So I've been thinking and planning for my new closet, but that's not what's on my mind- right now.

I've been a little irritated with the Man for a while, since Sunday morning to be exact. That afternoon and Monday felt really strained for me. I did add morning swims back to my already kinda busy schedule, but I missed swimming. So I was getting up earlier, no cuddling in the morning and completely crashing at night.

So Pink is on Oprah, right now actually. She just mentioned how part of what her break-up with her husband was that she wasn't what she wanted to be. But that didn't stop her from criticizing her husband to the point of separating. Now, the Man and I are NO WHERE near that point. I'm still in love with and enjoy coming home to him everyday, even if we don't "jump each other" every time we see one another.

We've been trying to plan a lot of stuff lately. Getting ourselves ready for what all the house will bring, what items we're going to buy and when, our plan for paying off school loans, stuff like that. As mentioned before ( a bunch I think) I'd like to start trying for our second baby next year. I thought we had a pretty good idea of things to come and Sunday the Man kind of threw me. Pretty much said no baby next year, not going to happen, other stuff he wants to take care of first. This wasn't an argument just conversation. Literally, part of me just crashed.

I went from being somewhat excited that we would be doing this again together (only planned of course) to almost feeling like we would never have another baby. That this was his decision. There were things about my career we talked about that seemed onesided. I was literally heartbroken Sunday, and Monday I felt in shock. Wednesday night I went to dinner with my mom, vented a lot, then Thursday I talked with my MIL when I picked up T- she somehow knew something was up. Please note- I did NOT bash my husband, nor did I go into a lot detail with either one about why I was upset (hello, they BOTH want more grandchildren).

The week has carried on, the Man and I talk and carry on. I know that part of my feelings were an over reaction. The Man has said he's okay with having another, but it just needs to be the "right time". When you're a planner like me I need something to hold onto, a year, a month, something!!!

So Pink mentioned that she had expectations for her husband and not herself. I feel that the Man should support me in what I do, and I what I want. But I turned myself off to the idea of what he wants. That some things I want are things he really doesn't want. Can I say we're not having a baby? NO Can I say we are? NO But the book isn't closed.

This weekend we'll talk. I'll actually share my feelings, listen to his and hopefully come up with something or some kind of plan for everything we want. Together.

*Edit- so after reading this again. It seems like I don't think of our son at all. Which is NOT the case. We try to everything for him or in a way that includes him or considers what's best for him. He is the best thing that I have ever accomplished in my life.